Shabbat is a wonderful weekly event that provides you with some
much needed respite from the outside world!
As part of the orthodox conversion process, you will absolutely be
expected to keep the Sabbath. This means you follow the many complex laws
around keeping the sabbath, or avos melachot (basic summary to be found
here: http://www.torahtots.com/torah/39melachot.htm). Everything that we
are prohibited from doing on the Sabbath can fall within one of these 39
Categories. These categories are based on what the Jewish people had to do in
the desert to create the Mishkan- here’s a link to the Chabad website which in
general offers excellent summaries, and sometimes more in depth discussion on
the various aspects of Judaism
(http://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/2133493/jewish/What-Was-the-Mishkan.htm).
The limitations for Shabbat are tricky and if you're already in
the conversion process, or are thinking of joining, your teacher will spend a
great deal of time on this area because it's so important. Here are some basic
things to expect:
1) No makeup
2) No brushing hair
3) No travelling (car etc. Walking is fine)
4) No carrying anything outside of a private domain (this includes
keys, tissues, bags, clothing not being worn, babies unless within an Eruv
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/700456/jewish/What-is-an-Eruv.htm?gclid=CKWygI7Dq8kCFUKfGwoduXIMsA
)
5) No brushing teeth
6) No tearing toilet paper (you buy pre - torn or tissue sheets)
7) No mobile phones, TV's, computers or anything electronic
8) No turning on/ off lights. This will be done by pre- scheduling
time switches
9) No cooking from scratch, and when you do heat something up (on
a blech or hotplate) there are a whole host of restrictions which accompany it
10) No hot water
There are many introductory texts on what to expect and how to
keep the Sabbath properly, but what I want to explore in this blog is how the
convert feels- or at the very least what I felt- both when learning, and now
when keeping, the Sabbath. From the above list it's very easy to think that you
can't do anything on the Sabbath, and that's definitely
how I felt. The thing is you have to learn the 'what not to do's' before you
can really understand 'the what you can do's'. Shabbat can be a really lovely
time to spend with friends and family. It may take some getting used to, and
whilst you are expected to keep a strict level during conversion, realistically
you need to find the right balance as to what will work for you, and try to
build up to that level (if that's what you want) at a sensible pace. I jumped
into it full hog at the beginning and it really wasn't fun- I didn't do
anything basically, and my house certainly wasn't set up (with time switches, hot
plates etc) to be able to keep the Sabbath in a practical way. I learnt that I
needed the knowledge and tips, from my teachers and various lectures available
locally, in order to keep it properly. So I started all over again and
gradually built up what I did, as I learnt I added that to my 'not to do' list
for the following week.
Friday Night:
The Sabbath starts when the sun goes down on a Friday evening.
This varies each week so it's advisable to get a app, check a reputable online
source or in a Jewish newspaper for the correct time. If you are choosing to
keep the Sabbath properly, you'll need to be home in time for it as you can't
travel after it's dark. Depending on where in the world you live, this can be
problematic. One of the most challenging parts for me with starting conversion
was having a tough discussion about work about how for a large part of the year
I would need to leave early on a Friday. Luckily they were pretty
understanding, but I know this isn't always the case. Have a chat with them, as
early as possible, to gauge what the general feeling around this is. Any decent
company should be able to offer some form of flexibility but they don't have to
so it's worth finding out sooner rather than later if this is going to be an
issue.
Another thing to consider is just how much you're giving up by not
going out on a Friday night. Generally this was the night my friends do things,
work parties, social events and so forth. Many of my friend's were
understanding about this and moved this to Sat nights, or Thurs nights to
include me but this isn't always possible so I do sometimes (even now!) feel
like I'm missing out on a lot. The only way to make up (or try to) for this, is
to make Friday nights as sociable as possible! I urge you to make friends in
the community and go and be social on a Friday night (which is an important
part of what it's all about- a big tenet of Judaism is hospitality). Invite
your non- Jewish friends over if you are able or your new Jewish friends! When
you look at it basically as a dinner party every week where you get to see
people you wouldn't normally, it definitely helps to soften any difficulties
you may be experiencing with your transition to starting shabbat.
The Sabbath is in once the Shabbos candles are lit. Men will
usually be in Synagogue (also know as Shul in the UK) at this time, so will
hear it there. I would recommend going to a Friday night service if you can-
it's all about rejoicing that the Sabbath has come and is full of singing. It's
very important to note that once it's in, it's in! You can't turn anything on/
off, cook anything or remember you had an urgent email to send. In some ways,
it's quite refreshing. You have no choice but to just be- I'm addicted to my
phone so this was a hard one. But actually not knowing the news for a day and
getting away from technology isn't the worst thing in the world. It does take
some getting used to though!
The Meal:
Be warned! You WILL eat a lot. The meal starts with a blessing
over cholla (traditional Jewish braided
breadhttp://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1108296/jewish/Lechem-Mishneh-The-Two-Shabbat-Loaves.htm
) and wine (kosher wine). Usually it consists of three or four courses and will
go on for a few hours. The meal is followed by Grace After Meals or Benching (
Birkat Hamazon).
Saturday:
Your Saturday will be devoted to Sabbath as well- it doesn't come
out until nightfall. In summer in the UK this can go out as late as 11.50pm so
it's your Saturday night as well. By entering into an orthodox conversion
you're basically committing one day of your weekend to Judaism and if you're industrious,
probably 2 or 3 evenings a week to learning (you have to learn with a private
tutor, appointed by the Beth Din, at least once a week). Beyond the private
tutor and your general homework this will entail, you are required to show
learning beyond this in the form of group lectures (check local centres for
programmes), personal reading, audio lessons available online etc. I can't
stress enough how demanding this is. Once you're living with a family you will
be expected to keep the Sabbath with them, for at least half of Shabbats out of
the month, if not more. This is to show you in practise what an orthodox Jewish
family do on shabbat and expect upon what you've been learning through texts
and with your teacher. I am a very private person and I really struggled with
this. Especially as I felt constantly on edge- there is so much you're not
allowed to do on the Sabbath, and the family you live with are required to
write you a reference as part of completing conversion, that you are conscious
of everything you do in front of them, and until you're comfortable with how
much you know about it you'll probably assume you're doing everything wrong-
which probably isn't the case! It's hard being with someone else's family,
especially if there are children involved. A whole day with someone else's
children can be pretty tough!
Most religious people will go to synagogue on a Saturday morning
and this usually finishes around 12/1pm. After that it's lunch time, and it's
seen as a part of the Sabbath to have another 'festive' meal, just as you did
on Friday night. Traditionally again you have 3 or 4 course meals (please
note there are restrictions around cooking on Shabbos which I won't go into
here), and in winter in the UK this can take you all the way up until Shabbat
is almost out! In summer you can be more creative with your time and go for
long walks etc. It is also a good deed to have a third meal on the Sabbath. Seudah Shelishit (third meal) is an informal
meal enjoyed towards the end of Shabbat.
Seudah Shlishit is a great opportunity to invite friends over late Saturday afternoon. Especially during the summer months, when Shabbos ends late, we enjoy sitting outside and eating salads, dairy dishes and desserts with friends.
Shabbat ends when there are three stars in the sky (timings again widely available online or through reputable Jewish apps and publications). You then say Havdalah. http://www.chabad.org/library/howto/wizard_cdo/aid/256963/jewish/1-What-is-Havdalah.htm
It may sound like a feel like you give up a lot on the Sabbath, but if you keep it it can be really rewarding. Hopefully you're converting out of a sincere interest in the Jewish faith, and if you are then really the Sabbath is the holiest time of the week and you will be able to embrace it with open arms once you learn the real, in depth meanings, customs and laws behind it. For those of you that are a little more, shall we say, reluctant but plan to keep as much as you can for the sake of a Jewish partner, there is good in everything. It won't always be easy, and seeing your friends and family leading a different life is something that is a very slow process to come to terms with. There are so many things that will come your way like not being able to fly on a Saturday, which may mean you just can't consider that package holiday and have to rethink the destination completely, or your friends paying more to go with a different airline so you don't have to travel on a Saturday, or you missing out on a family members birthday because they are going out on a Saturday and you can't make it- it's a lot to take in, a lot to take on. It can be a lot for friends and family as well- your choices impact them, and they have to make allowances around you. I'll admit this is probably the area I still struggle the most with, and I have good weeks and bad weeks with keeping Shabbat. It's a work in progress constantly, and as a convert you will need to find your balance. What surprises me sometimes is the guilt. The guilt that I'm not doing something I should be doing on Shabbat, or the guilt that I can't do some things because I am keeping it.
I hope that your journey to keeping Shabbat, for whatever reason, is as smooth as it can be, and that you find your happy place within it!
Peace out
conversiongirl
