- Money Money Money…. Private lessons don’t fall from the trees
and they do cost you. London estimates currently range between £30 and £50 as
far as I know (PER PERSON PER WEEK) for one hour. So if you’re doing it as a
couple you’re pretty screwed financially. The Beth Din’s response when I
suggested that this price was prohibitive? ‘Space out your lessons then’. Which
will take me DOUBLE the time by their standards as it would take DOUBLE the
time to go through the syllabus. They stay out of the financial arrangement
between you and your teacher- but they also recommend the teacher in the first
place and therefore you don’t really have much of a choice. Surprise surprise.
No choice in an Orthodox conversion? Say whaaaa?! Also, you don't really have a choice about the weekly lesson part. Beyond teaching you the syllabus it's a way of checking up on you, and before each interview with the Beth Din, your teacher will be expected to provide feedback on your progress.
– Your teachers. Also known as scaremongers. They have a lot of
experience but no conversion is the same and they don’t know what the outcome
of interviews will be. Trust them to a certain extent, and hopefully have a
good relationship with them, but also don’t be surprised if the opposite
happens. I had a bad experience with my teachers. It was a very transactional
relationship and there was no feeling that they had any true interest in me or
me finding spirituality. She was very experienced in working with converts, but
was also very jaded and this was reflected in her engagement with me. I felt
like just another number in her book which she could tick off, but that she
didn’t really feel inspired by my journey in discovering Judaism or even wanted
to contribute to making it the best possible one. She went through the syllabus
and did it quickly, therefore she felt like she had done her job. I gave her
opportunities to learn beyond this ‘bare minimum’ which the syllabus covered,
but it didn’t work out. This is rather sad as you will be spending many hours
with this person, but I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
– Learning. Read as much as you can before you start and
absolutely learn to read Hebrew, preferably before you even approach the Beth
Din in the first place. You don’t have to be fluent by any means but you should
know your basic letters. There are many books with detailed summaries of Jewish
Life, I would read this so that you have an idea of what you’re getting
yourself into. This could be a dangerous exercise to read it without a teacher
to give you context, so take this advice with a pinch of salt. But this will be
the basics of what you will be expected to know by the end of your conversion.
The rest of the syllabus covers, Kashrut (keeping kosher), the Shabbos
Home, Shabbos Kitchen, Laws of Yom Tov, Halachos of Brachos, Knowledge of
Hebrew Prayers (you must be able to sight read these and be fluent in the ones
which you are expected to say daily). I don’t recommend doing this alone unless
you have previous knowledge of Judaism. It just wouldn’t make much sense and
you will probably have to repeat this reading. At the thick of my conversion I
was going through three books simultaneously at any given time, covering
different areas of the syllabus in addition to attending group Shiurs (group
lessons/ lectures), Jewish events (they want you to show a social connection),
synagogue on Shabbos and all of this whilst in full time employment. It is
overwhelming and there’s no getting around it, this is a big undertaking which
requires a lot of work. You have to learn a whole new life. And not only that,
you have the added pressure of being under a microscope with people reviewing
your progress. These books are expensive. Start saving. I estimate I spent
several hundred pounds on books alone. The more you can borrow the better. I
forgot the Parsha. Basically you have to read the bible story each week as well
(minus the new testament and Jesus). It’s considered history and is important.
You also have to have these books. Chabad does good summaries and text
analysis.
– Praying. You should buy a Siddur (daily prayer book) and
machzors (Yom Tov or Jewish Festival days prayer books). You will be expected
to do certain prayers each day- naturally you could lie about this area if you
are not completely sincere about the process but you will have to learn this
inside and out regardless. In your interviews you will probably need to talk
about what you do in detail and at the very least read from a Siddur and show
them that you know the prayers. Some prayers such as food blessings (before and
after) should be learnt off by heart.
– Interviews. These are usually spaced 6 months apart. You get a
letter 2 – 4 weeks after the interview outlining what the outcome was, progress
areas if applicable and next steps, which is usually just a date for the second
interview but could be a housing recommendation if they feel you are ready to
live with a family which generally indicates that you are entering into the
final stages of the process. Don’t be fooled though- this final stage could
still very well be 9 months +, i’ve heard all manner of stories.
– No privacy. The Jewish world is a small one and Jews are
interested in the conversion process- and will often have their own opinions on
it. The biggest thing though is that no one knows that it’s so tough and so
will ask you at every occasion. This really private, difficult, challenging and
special time will be laid on the table for everyone to see, discuss, gossip
about, quiz you about, sympathise about. It’s all you will ever talk about. At
the start it’s fine, you don’t really have an understanding how bad it is because you
haven’t hit the wall yet, and it’s probably still OK. You’re learning the
basics, no problem. But a year in after having lived, breathed and cried
Conversion for so long, you’ll be singing a different tune. I used to nip the
conversation in the bud as soon as I could by the end. You just want to be
normal. You probably feel really Jewish by this point and just want to be
accepted, not analysed. It usually comes from a good place, but most people are
just nosey.
Phewwww. Lots to think about. Ultimately I’m still pleased I
chose this journey but it is really tough, and for all the wrong reasons. I
went into this thinking that’s fine- I can handle a couple of years but the
reality is very different. And it’s not a couple of years. I spent ages
learning, particularly Hebrew, before I even got accepted into the official
conversion programme. And apparently my conversion was actually pretty quick (around 2.5 years all in).
My next blog will be a biggie- friends and family. Dunn dunn
dunnnn.
Peace out
conversiongirl
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